I have moved

I have had to leave blogspot or at least take some time away while my boss figures out why I can't access Blogspot sites from my computer. The few blogs I can access I can't comment and it's really frustrating because mine is one I can't access. I have searched high and low for a new blog domain I can acces from work and I have found one and started there. I don't know if I will stay there or keep looking (because I can't personalize it the way I would like) but I am there for now.

Come visit me here

Beautiful Morning

Sorry I didn't get back to post again before I left work. I just ran out of time. I didn't even get done what I wanted done for school. The paper I needed to write got written and the intern schedule I was supposed to write out and get approved got written...and approved once I got to class, but there was a whole "honey do" list I wrote out for myself that I slacked on. Oh well I have today.

It's 5am and I am already having the most amazing morning. Last night when I got out of class it was pouring down rain. So I drove very carefully and made it almost home when I thought I would stop in and grab a hug or two from J. He is only 2 1/2 minutes from my house so I didn't have too far to go. So I stopped at his house, went up to the front door and called him.

"hello?"

I said "hey it's me and I am sitting at your front door freezing, come give me a hug and let me in"

"OK"

So I stood there warm in his arms for some 10 minutes or so and then went home to my nice warm, heated matress pad, flannel sheets, and big fluffy Nautica comforter covered, 4 big fluffy pillow having bed... I opened the window just a tad so that I could hear the rain rackety tat tatting on the awening over the back porch (I am on the second floor right above the patio) and then slept like a drugged baby.

When I woke up it was raining even harder and so when I woke up this morning to the alarm, I hit snooze and laid there and just listened to it with my eyes closed until the alarm went again. I then took the hottest shower I could stand to take and just let the water pour over my head while I stood there, eyes closed and soaked up the happy feeling the rain gives me. When I got out I dried, lotioned, brushed my teeth and hair, and then got dressed and left. Walking to the car in business casual attire when my umbrella is in the car sucked but the night and morning were going so well I didn't even notice. I drove to work very slowly and with the radio off so that I could take in as much of this rain as I can in case it stops while I am stuck in my building all day. I am the girl in the corner (hence the name) and I am by a big window with a pretty good view and so if it is raining when the sun comes up, then I can just sit and soak up more gloomyness.

I don't know why this type of gloomy day makes me feel so happy and warm. This dark dreary type of day brings me such sunshine and makes me feel so whole like being in love. The only weather I like even 1/2 so much is the blizzard snow conditions and it's just as bad in peoples eyes. Hmmm... maybe I am wierd :-)


PS my eggs hatch tomorrow....Hope they're cute.... :-)

Happy Monday

Good morning all. I had a great weekend. Things went great. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot of time to post right now because I have a 2 page paper due on Chapter 3 tonight and have not even read Chapter 3... So I have to put my ass to work.

Here's a mini rundown:

Went home Friday night, gained neopoints, watched a weeks worth of soaps, went to bed, got woke up at 10:30pm and went to J's, spent Saturday with him, breakfast out and BBQ dinner in, Sunday went to church and took my prego cousin, saw Mother Antonia speak, took prego back to the rehab she's staying at (it's beautiful, J got her in there. They say that everyone is in you life for a reason, season or a lifetime...and if him getting her in there and her not having to pay a penny is the only reason he and I met, it was worth it.)went home with my aunt, went on a LONG harley ride with my dad, john and peg, went up el toro to Cook's Corner, had a couple drinks and then rode back and ate at Johnny Rebs for BBQ then finished off my weekend watching I robot with J (he watched, I slept). Then I went home crawled my ass into bed and here I am... Bright and early trying not to miss an opportunity to do my homework again...

Have a good day all and I will try to finish with enough time to come back and give you all a proper post. While you're waiting try out some of the links above to pass the time. :-)

Why Parents Drink

I decided to start today off with a joke because I am on a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions and I need some "happy" to counteract the anger, pain, and fear.

:-)

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employee about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home? " he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"Me."


HeHeHe

Not funny but oh so funny at the same time. :-) It reminds me of something Jennifer (my sister) would do. She was one of those kids that would make you smack your forhead and say "oh god" while rolling your eyes in agony. She was always in her own little world doing her own thing and stil kind-of is. She once jumped into the hot tub at the Orange County fairgrounds (where they have them full of water for display so people can buy them) because she wanted to go swimming.

So I am a bit depressed and not feeling quite like myself. I am feeling bloated, fat, & ugly. J say's "give it a week it will go away I promise." (pretty familiar with Bitch week already) I don't (can't) believe him right now. His intentions are good but this little voice inside my head that reports on my emotions says "he's a lousy liar, you know you look like that blueberry girl on willy wonka"

I ate good and went to the gym yesterday for an hour to see if it would help, but I am not so sure about it. I felt a bit better yesterday, but then again for it to be effective I will have to do it more often and I just don't have the time.

Well I am off....shared enough of my pleasant mood with you all... I will see you all again on Monday or when I check back from time to time throughout my day for comments. Have a good weekend. At least have a better weekend than I am having a day.

Sleep...

I really need sleep.

Last night I did a whole lot of nothing. I went home did 2 loads of laundry (one of wich is still in the dryer) and ate. Then my mom and I went to get pampered while this lady tried to talk us into buying Mary Kay...

It was fun, but seriously, if I was going to buy any Mary Kay at all I would buy it from my good 'ol buddie and cousin Becky who comments here from time to time. (She's the one who comments but hasn't got a blog of her own) But again I had fun. Usually when I wear make-up, I am very conservative. I go a bit crazy with where the eyeshadow goes, the design if you will... but the colors are always the same... Brown. Dark brown, light brown, "earth browns", "sandy browns"... but always BROWN. Last night I was a bit crazy, I did green (jungle) and a purple-ish mix. At first it looked like someone punched me, but like a Bob Ross painting it turned out awesome at the end. I think i might like to try it some night when out with J (who likes it when I wear make-up even though I don't very often anymore) and see what he thinks.

After that my mom and I came home and I went to bed. I slept right through my alarm and am amazed I got up at all.

I am here...on our free jeans day... but I can't say I am happy about it. I can't wait for today to be over. I want school to be over too. I'd like for the teach to cancel this week too, what are the chances of a "personal emergency" (the reason he cancelled last week) lasting through tonight too?

Oh I almost forgot... I got the internship at Sober Living By The Sea. It's a very well known, very big rehab facility in California blocks from the beach. I am so excited I could pee my pants. It's a place that started out really small and has grown so huge. It will look great on my resume... I can't wait to start and learn something fantastic. I think while interning at the detox, I lost my spunk... my mojo... my want to help. I started to wonder why I was taking all of my time and working twards a career in this field, and being at SLBTS even just for the interview, I remembered. I felt excited about my career choice again. I didn't feel like this path and all of my schooling was a total waste for the first time in about 6 months.

Prayers have been answered. My cousin Rebecca has been placed in a rehab facility that will keep her until the baby is born and then whe'll be transferred to a facility meant to help women who have small kids/babies. They are a rehab but they also teach parenting things and help you get your life back together. A lot of the placement was helped along by J. His position in the probation department gave him leverage and so he gave a behind the scenes "push" for it to go through. So she is there and finally on the road to being well, and whole. She's got a long way to go, but for the first time since conception I believe this baby might have a chance.

I almost forgot

Posting twice in one day....whoa getting crazy...

I almost forgot all about my little baby eggs over here... They are due to hatch in one week exactly. I am so excited to see what may hatch this time...

Did I ever name the others? Did I decide on cornelius and spud??? I don't remember...reminds me of when my sister first had the twins home frome the hospital. I came in in the mornings to see if she needed anything because waking up every 3 hours to breastfeed on 2 different schedules had to be hard and Terry was no help. One morning I came in and she was sitting there staring at one of the boys in tears. She looks up at me and sobs "I don't know which one this is..." and then she say's "I can't remember one of their names." I laughed and told her to go to sleep that day and took care of the boys until she woke up.

Worth it

Yeah that movie was pretty worth it. It's cute and interesting...along the same lines as Alice and Wonderland or the Laberinth. If you liked either of those you'll enjoy this. Sort of a wierd dream type of a movie. J Liked it too. He's a wierd movie kind-o guy.

If I could find a way to get an hour lunch every day at noon I would definately invest in a small TV and headphones and have AMC hour at work. That would save me the hassle of forgetting the tape in the VCR at home every once in a while, putting the tape in when I remember, going home and finding an hour to devote to rewinding the damn tape and then watching it (sometimes 2 hours if I missed the day before). I would gain back an hour a day of my life. A while back I had the soap channel on my cable (don't have the box anymore and my TV only gets up to channel 110) and I used to be able to watch it at midnight... Come to think of it, I am glad I don't have that channel cause my addicted ass would stay up till midnight to watch it and then dye of lack of sleep everyday.

AMERICAN IDOL

Ok, I am not truly a fan or anything, just when the first episode this seasoncame on J and I watched it together... It was funny, people making asses of themselves on national TV. Then the next one and the next one and then somehow it turned into "are you coming over for American Idol?" Or "are we watching American Idol tonight?" It's become our thing... I like it. It gives us an hour or so to be together and then I can go home... It's even to the point that tonight I have a facial party to go to at 7 and don't think I am going to make our little date so he's TiVoing it so we can watch this weekend. Sad I know.

My problem is this. I am tired and from 8-9pm Tuesday and Wednesday was OK cause I could go home and go to bed at a decent hour... Wouldn't ya' know they decided to do 2 hours now... 8-10pm Tues. Wed. AND NOW THURS!!! What the F!!! I am seriously tired today and am going to be cranky as a result.

Speaking of cranky, I think I have discovered a pattern. I know not rocket science and I should have known, but it just clicked... Whenever J and I are having problems, I am either Visiting with Aunt Flow or waiting her arrival, if you know what I mean. It can't possibly be all my fault cause he has changed and things are better... But it IS partially me. For at least the week before and the week during I need special care. I am more tired, cranky, emotional, and my hormones ( I guess that's what's doing it) make me crazy. My mind thinks crazy stuff and I can't stop it. I get all jealous, worried and clingy... F*ed up I know... but that's me and at least I have recognized it. I always knew Bitch Week was hell but apparently when there's a man in the mix it's worse.

So I mentioned this discovery to him last night. I rolled over during a commercial and told him that I figured something out and I am worried. We've had such a good run so far that I don't want to squash his efforts and our new found happiness with crazy psycho bitch week. I told him that things get crazy around this time in the month and that I am scared I will ruin what we've fixed. I told him I am not going to be feeling well, I will be cranky, my mind will go places I don't want to go and I can't stop it and I will generally just be icky for the next couple of weeks. He just laughed, put his arm around me, pulled me close to him, and kissed me on the forhead. He said "Don't worry I'll take care of you."

I looked up at him and said "are you sure, I'll be crazy...I am serious, I can feel it already coming on"

He said "you don't have anything to worry about, Shhh... the show's on"

Who is this guy and what did he do with the guy I hated not even a week ago?

Mirror Mask

J and I rented another movie. Wait...that's not entirely true... J rented another movie. It was the strangest, most acid trippy, what the hell is going on, alice in wonderland freak circus movie I have ever seen. It was good I guess but very strange. Very interesting and I guess worth the 2 or so hours it took to watch it... but again, very strange.

Last night was great. No school, fatburger, a crazy movie, being held for like 2 hours straight with random kisses on the top of my head, and I got home and into my own bed to watch All My Children by 7:30pm. Don't think it gets better than that.

Speaking of All My Children... Yes I am addicted. I have been watching on and of (more on than off) since I was around 9 years old. I would say I've probably been watching longer than that since my mom always taped them and watched the whole weeks worth on friday nights, but about 9 I would say is when I broke and just started watching it right along with her.

Tad dies...comes back as Ted. Not really Tad, it's just his long lost twin brother, then what do ya' know Tad really does come back. They do this with a lot of charecters along the way. Maria (yes Becky...good old Eva was dead and returned with amnesia) came back and then Edmund died in a horrible fire and so she left to go to "california" (where I hear she really is living back in Norco with her family) to get away.

All along the way I get favorites then they kill one of them off, so I am forced to get other favorites to hold me and someone cheats, more favorites... BUT the all time favorite couple of me and I am sure 10 billion other AMC fans, Tad and Dixie.

Wouldn't you know she died on an alpine mountain in a horrible freak accident and then her long lost 1/2 sister that nobody knew about stole her life and blamed the odd "not so much Dixie, but almost" look to her on massive plastic surgery. Then she got found out and the whole town hated her, until Tad might think he's in love with her. Just as he's willing to look into this crazy feeling he has, Who else could it be? DIXIE walks in right behind him.

I think I might just be absolutely devistated if this show ever went off of the air, or for some reason I could not watch it. Like if my eyes got gouged out and I went deaf or something. I know in that instance there would be a lot I would have to worry about, but never seeing AMC again would be one of those things.

I watch only about 6 hours of TV a week by choice. (other hours are due to me sitting in on other people watching TV) Greys Anatomy, and AMC. Other TV shows are good, and sometimes get my wandering eye when I am bored and not sleeping... but AMC and Greys Anatomy are a guarentee...

Game On

Ok, I am sorry to disappoint anyone, but J and I are back on in our on again off again relationship. His multiple personalities must have had a meeting and let that one guy that I met at Starbucks be their spokesperson for the weekend.

I had a great weekend. It was all very perfect. I have to say that I am pretty impressed. Not one bad feeling all weekend. Seriously, either he's got a case of very well hidden multiple personalities or something I said to him must have clicked. He was 100% that guy I told him I needed him to be and it wasn't even like he was a puppet doing it because I asked him to.

Friday night I went over to his house, I spent the night. In the morning, his friend from high school came into town from the east coast so the 2 of them went to breakfast. I went home and had breakfast with my mom. Before I left though I told him I wanted him to take me out on a date. Because even though we're "dating" we don't do much "dating".

After that, my mom and I went to get picture hanging stuff to hang all of the pictures and artwork that was taken down when we had the house painted. I also had some artwork that I never even put on the wall yet. My bedroom is done in a sort of Paris France sidewalk cafe sort of a theme and I have all these prints of storefronts and stuff and they've all just been sitting on my dresser leaning on the walls or on top of my TV and computer leaning and I finally wanted them on the wall. Also for Christmas J got me a mermaid print and framed it. (It was actually very thoughtful. I have this tatoo on my back of a soryama print that I never get to see, because it's on my back. And so he got me a mermaid I could see.) So I spent the day doing that and then at around 2 or so my mom and I went shopping.

Robinsons May is going out of business and so all of them are having this huge ass clearance thing where everything is 30-50% off. That's on top of all the clearance prices already marked. My mom got a shit load of stuff for basically nothing. I got an outfit and a comfy ass robe to run aroound the house in so I don't freeze.

We got home around 4:30ish and I called J. I went to his house and got ready for our date.

Yes folks I wore a skirt. Not going to happen very often, but it did happen this time. Skirt, boobie shirt, and a cute pair of heels even. :-) He took me to a really yummy restaurant near our houses and then was going to take me to a movie. He asked what I wanted to see (Curious George of course, don't think he even had to ask) and that wasn't going to happen so we hit blockbuster.

We rented Saw 2 and the Fog. The fog sucked but Saw 2 rocked. We've been waiting for it to come out and it was good. We also watched some crazy ass Japanese movie with subtitles. It was wierd. There was this class of teenage school kids that was kidnapped and put on an island and they were given something like 3 days and a backpack. In the backpack there was food (a loaf of bread), water (3 bottles) and a weapon (some got a gun or a bow and arrows and some got binoculars or a big pot lid). The goal of this "game" was to be the last kid standing. So they ran around brutally murdering their friends and collecting their supplies along the way. It was a creapy movie. creapy but at the same time good. I fell asleep so I don't know what happened. I know a girl won because it's how the movie started (sort of pulp fiction style...end at the beginning) but how she won I don't know.

Sunday we woke up and lounged around. He took me to breakfast and then we went back to his place and lounged around some more. At around 4pm I went home. So he could log some hours on his video game and so I could have dinner with my mom and get some sleep at a decent hour. I got some TV time in (watched 6th sense and that home makeover show that always makes me cry.)

J called me to tell me goodnight but I think there's something wrong with my phone. When someone calls or the alarm is set it doesn't ring it just makes a wierd vibrating/rattling sound. I think I seriously need a new phone. I would love nothing more than to have a nice brand new pink or blue razor... even a silver or black one would bee cool. But Cingular says I can only upgrade once every 2 years. When I realized my phone was a ghetto piece of crap and I wanted a new one they said I had 21 months to go before I could change without paying full price (as if I want to pay $400 for a communication device). I also had a "friend" that said he knew a guy who could get me one, but that like all other shady deals fell through. I don't know where I am or how long I have to go, but let me tell you...When the day comes that I don't have to wait, I will have a new phone.

Anyway, It's another week of mental rejects calling the "help" line and I am here, healthy (I am feeling good anyway, don't know how healthy I am really), and taking calls. Have a good day blog friends and I will be visiting your blogs soon. :-)

Mmmmm........Cheeseburger

Michelle is oficially my HERO!!! Thanks Michelle :-) Love ya' Lots...



Oh no.... Now I am really full and I feel sick. I hope it digests before 2:30 when I am getting my nails and toes done. I don't want to be sitting in that big-ol' massaging chair with a stomach ache. It's bad enough them nail girls are going to tickle me to death.

Cheeseburger

I want a cheeseburger so bad I could cry....

Not feeling great, but feeling better

I was able to go home again yesterday and sleep again all day. And my class last night was cancelled so I got to rest during that 3 hours too. I am feeling much better, but still not perfect. I still am a little congested in my chest, and a bit of a runny nose, but nothing that Zicam, tylenol, sudafed and mucinex won't keep fixed until i can go home today. I am staying all day today. I can't afford anymore time off, my Denver trip is coming and I need to keep the 40 hours of PTO (paid time off) for then.

I am so excited about my Denver trip. I can't wait to see my family, the mountains, hopefully some snow... I would really like to be able to yell "BINGO" in a crowded bingo hall while several old bitties mumble "shit" under their breath. I am excited to see my aunt's store "Berna's closet" and shop till I drop. And I am really looking forward to the week away from my life that the whole trip will be giving me. 9 days of being able to sleep in past 3am. 9 days of not going to work, school, or having to think about my Cali. shit. A complete mental break. Not a Psychotic break, just a mental vaction... :-)

I went to see J last night. Because class was cancelled I figured I could go see him for an hour or so. I went to see him because he called me yesterday morning to say good morning and found out I was at home, and was also at home. He asked me to come by and I told him No. I also went to go see him because I miss him. I miss his arms around me and I miss hearing his voice. I needed a hug. He held me, I cried, we talked...but I don't think it's going anywhere.

Why do I feel crazy? Why can't I just let go? Why can't I say "it's over I don't want him anymore"? Why can't I stop wanting him? Why can't I just let go?

still not feeling good.

Don't feel like posting. Just came to work to open up. as soon as someone else comes in I am going to try to get out of here. I just need one more day I think. Yesterday I slept all day. From the time I wrnt home till 11 am. I woke up, ate and went back to bed till 6pm. Ate again and went to bed and then slept till 3am to come into work. One more day like that and I will be perfectly well again. Hope Janine is cool with that.

Confusion cleared...

The holiday is this coming Monday. So I skipped this monday and got extra holiday. Oh well we could all use an extra holiday right?

Last night class was great. I learned so much even though not much was said. This Tuesday night professor is so knowledgeable. He has such a way of spewing it all out that it's so easy to just pick it all up and make it your own. I don't know that that made any sense at all, but it made perfect sense to me and I don't know any other way to say it.

I went home from work yesterday at like 9 am and I feel more shitty today then yesterday. Maybe Janine will be cool with letting me go again.

We'll see. Wish me luck...

Sick

Ok, sick and tired again... but in the literal sense. I am feeling sh*tty!!!

Dere's a porky pine in my froat!

My nose is all stuffy and my throat feels like I tried to drink razor blades. And from blowing my runny even though it's stuffy nose (how that's possible I don't even know) my lips and edge of my nose are all red and swollen and in pain.

Enough of my whining!

So I broke. I couldn't imagine someone could be that inadequate and be that ok with it and so I called my friend "A" who hooked J and I up and cried to her for a minute.

She said "why don't you call him, go over there and talk to him. Not like you're getting back together, but like friends. Just to get closure at least cause it's obviously driving you crazy".

I did. We talked. I cried. He listened (amazing as it sounds) I explained what my intentions were from the very beginning and what I expected, why I was hurt, and how he hurt me. I told him that any man that closes the deal with me would be damn lucky to have me and I he wants me to move on because he is incapable of standing up to be a man, then I'll go. BUT he might just run into me in a year or 2 and see where I am and kick himself. I told him I am going places with my life and if he's not willing to come along with me on that journey because it might take a little effort, then I feel sorry for him because he's seriously missing out. It will be his loss. After I feel like he actually heard me, I left. No hug... No anything, just goodbye. He let me walk away with a sad puppy look in his eye. If he wants to talk he knows how to get ahold of me.

I know I said I was done, but like I said I really believe in my heart and soul that J can be that man I met at Starbucks. I truly believe that that man is really who he is. This horror of a human being he has turned out to be is his childish scared little boy inside that's too afrain to move forward and so he lashes out to push me away. As I am sure that he has done so far with everyone else and I guess I am stubborn. I refuse to be pushed aside for no good reason. This is truly stupid.

Not logical and I refuse to stand for it.

Call me stupid, or whatever. I don't care. I know I am feeling something and I just want it fixed. One way or the other

And Yes henry, logical or not the feelings are still there. Thought you got it before I would see it huh?

Oh yeah and can someone clear up the confusion? I was on my way to class yesterday when I called "A" and I thought I would ask if she's going in because she's alway not there. She says "no it's presidents day" which is why I even went to J's house in the first place. And he had the day off work and so I believed them and was totally OK with skipping school. Then I get to work this morning and the callendar on my desk says Feb. 20th is Presidents day. Hmmm.... Could my callendar be wrong? Or did I ditch class?

It's over

This sorry excuse of a relationship is over.

I was truly hoping J would wake up and be that man I met instead of this horror of a human being he turned out to really be.

I went to his house Friday night hoping for something that showed me I was wrong. Something that I could stay for, but I got nothing...I stayed over hoping for some snuggle through the night, but not only did I not get that...I got his back to me all night. So I fell asleep hoping that when we woke up I would get a hug and a kiss and a "good morning". Instead I woke up, stared at the wall and felt him get up out of bed as if I was not even there and go start his day without even the good morning. I rolled over wondering "what the hell?" and waited for him to come back into the room. He did. He looked right at me and walked past me and began to get dressed for the day. Apparently he had things to do...and saying good morning to me or even acknowledging I was there was not part of the plan.

I couldn't stay. I got up got dressed and grabbed what litte bit of things I brought, and said "I have to go". He looked up from what he was doing and said "something wrong?" I lost it. I just went off about how inadequate he is when it comes to this relationship and how I feel sorry for any other women who happen to cross his path and fall for his initial lies. I told him how bad he disgusts me and how looking at him and thinking about our future makes me want to vomit. I told him that I felt sorry for him because when he says "I give you my word" it should mean something other than I am lying and hoping I get away with this. That his word is nothing and he should learn how to follow up his word with action, or just not give his word in the first place. I told him he was pathetic and and a liar. I told him he was no better than the men who have raped and beat me and that telling me I never had to worry about being hurt now that I met him was yet another of his lies. Then I left.

I miss him. That man I met not so long ago. I met a great man. Something J could really be if he wasn't so all about himself, if he had some integrity, if he wasn't so much of a fake, if he had any idea what honest and true really meant. Too bad it wasn't who he really is. He was really good on paper. He had really good stats. If only I could meet a man with similar stats who actually had mor to him.

attention

Anyone who has kids, knows anyone with kids, is a woman or knows a woman....

Click Here

Look at all the freaks in your neighborhood around your home. I got this in my inbox and since then I have wanted to vomit.

Just enter your address... it will show a "house", that's yours...

All the little colored boxes are Sex Offenders... click on them and you get a name & picture of the person along with his crime

the Map Legend is on the left hand side telling you the difference between the boxes...

Here's mine. Thanks guys for letting me steal your cute ass idea :-)

Sick and tired

I am tired because I am trying to do too much with the 24 hours I am allowed each day. Only 3 of my 24 is truly devoted to sleeping and I think it's killing me. Slowly killing me, but killing me none the less. I don't even think tired is the right word. I am utterly exhausted. I am so happy that it's Friday night and I don't have to worry about waking up in the morning at any specific time.

The only thing that could change that is if I get my internship going again (which I have been slacking on because I am too busy and too tired to find a way to fit it in.) I keep trying to get a hold of the Program Director for the agency, but they're d*cking me around. If I don't get in by next week I am going to have to call somewhere else.

I am sick because I have come to the realization that I don't think I can be happy with J. Yeah, were better now...And yeah I still care about him 110%, but he has character defect that makes me ill. 3 of them that I can see so far and he's not willing to see that they're a problem. Well, one of them he's not willing to see, the others sicken me too much to bring up in a discussion.

The more I sit and think about either of them I almost want to actually, physically vomit. I can sit around and ignore it for a while, but I see this going badly. I see it exploding inside me one day and it just spouting out like verbal vomit all over him and me not being able to take it anymore.

I guess the part that sickens me most is I don't believe that parents would bring up their children to believe this way. I could never imagine any mother or even father teaching these flaws to a child. He's grown into an adult and formulated these values or traits all on his own and sad to say, but if he and I had children I think he would force these values or traits onto my child and that's where I would lose it. I could probably handle it personally for a while, but if I had kids that were brought into the picture I would have to vomit...and then leave.

I guess he could change, but we all know men don't change for the better. Especially ones who are 34 and never been married or in a serious relationship. And especially hen it comes toa serious piece of who the are and what they believe as ahuman.

I wondered about that for a while. Why would someone be so old and never in a real relationship? I guess it's because he is how he is and believes what he believes and no woman could take those things into consideration and accept them as part of her life, which she would have to do to mesh their 2 lives together. Like I said before, no mother could allow those things to be passed onto a child, I can't be the first. It's sad to say but, women think about the end result of the relationship right from the very start. At least I do.

busy night

Lately I have been completely addicted to this neopets thing. I have signed up and created a pet and am now neglecting my blog and other online obsessions. With neopets you can play games but at work games are filtered so I don't get that enjoyment, but you can do all sorts of other things. You gain neopoints that work like money by doing odd things around town. You can buy food to feed your pet, pet hygene products to groom her, toys to play with her, books to read to her and raise her intelligence level and all sorts of other things. You can put these points in the bank and earn interest. You have a "your items" that can hold all of your stuff and a money tree where if you're lucky you can get on of the items or more neopoints people have donated or left behind. (this is basically what I am doing all day).

Last night was a busy night. I needed to have something to do to keep my mind off of my heart screaming. So I go home, turn on my computer at home and wait. At work this sign-on and play thing takes seconds...at home apparently there is an upload waiting time of about 10-30 minutes for every page....yes I have dial up (not for long though). I am able to play games at home so I did. I played neopets and in between while waiting for it to load I did laundry and cleaned my room vacuumed my bed, dusted, and watched random TV shows.

At about 6pm J called and wanted to talk.

Surprizingly enough we had a long heart to heart conversation without yelling or raising our voices at all (I am still in shock), we talked about my letter (he appologized for disrespecting me saying he said it out of anger and he didn't mean it, but that he was sorry none the less) we talked about our different feelings, we talked about fears, we talked about the future, we talked about right now, we talked about what I can accept and not accept. We finally (I think) have come to the conclusion of our 6 week long discussion about his bachelor lifestyle problem. He has agreed that certain things are not appropriate for committed men to do or even want to do and he's agreed to not do them. Although because "he has decided to conciously not do something that would hurt my feelings" not because I am keeping him from those things. (he had to look at it that way before his mental block on it could pass)

I think we've resolved this issue, although I don't think I am taking his word for it just yet. I told him I can accept what we've agreed on but that he is still on a sort of probation... I also told him there are things that may come up that we forgot to add in (being that I know how men are always looking for the "I can get away with this because she didn't specifically mention it" loop-hole) that I will bring up in the future as they come up, and he's ok with that too. So I think we might be OK...

So he says at the end of the conversation " are we OK now?"

"uh...yeah, why?"

"because American Idol is on soon, and we watch it together"

"ok let me finish what I've got going here and I'l be over".

I think he has aweful conversations with me and then when I am not around he calls his cousin (she and J have this awesome close relationship and they talk everyday) or someone and runs the situation by them. Last night while I was there he got a phone call from T (his cousin) and I don't know what they were saying but he kept saying "everything's fine" "yeah, she's right here" yada yada yada... So I think he's got someone telling him he's being a d*ck and he needs to shape up...and then he does. I am glad he has this person. Who ever she is.

counting chickens

My mother has alway said "don't count your chickens before they hatch" well, she was right.

I had to write J a letter that started out with these words today:
I don't know how to start. I've never explained myself at this point of a relationship before. I guess it's because I've never found it so difficult to leave before. I have never wanted so badly to stay. None the less I am gone. I am losing myself and questioning my worth as a person, and that's not right. In order to respect myself I have to put a stop to that. I deserve to have a man who does not make me question if I am good enough. And I definately deserve better than to hear that I am not good enough. Damn it, I know I am. Why the hell am I questioning it. You don't think I am good enough? I am out.

Somehow, the discussion on how school went and what I learned turned into how I am putting 100% in and he's not ready to do that because I "don't measure up". We should just keep going the way we are (him being and acting as a bachelor man while I am 100% devoted to this relationship) and I should accept what I am getting until he thinks I am worth his 100%... His words exactly. I am so through...

I woke up alone on my side of his bed this morning, went to the kitchen, grabbed a black trash bag and filled it with every last thing of mine in his house and went home... I am tired and broken.

Ok I am back

First and formost, I don't know where this might be on the news... But Anaheim Hills is on fire. All the way from the toll road freeway that seperates us from Corona, all the way to some houses on the hill. (when north hollywood and all the rich f*ckers in the 818 have houses threatened by fire and destruction there is all day news coverage, but Anaheim Hills has a flood or a fire and who cares??? Apparently not the news people...) There are mandatory exacuation areas...My house apparently is not in that area, and J was not included in the mandatory exac. by one street. The street above him was evacuated. So unlike a lot of other people in the snooty area of A.H. I got some sleep last night. it was great. Didn't want to get up. I found my way into my own bed at around 10pm and realized I miss it. All warm and cozy and the only one I have to share the space with is Kitty...

So on to the weekend. I had a GREAT weekend.

It started out Friday night with the company party. I had so much fun. J and I left his house at like 6:30 or so, got to the country club around 7ish. When we got there we got an envalope with $1000 fantasy cash inside (it looked real) and 2 drink tickets each.

Each of those were good for 1 drink per ticket unless you drink mixed drinks then it took 2 tickets. J got one 7 and 7 and that was it all night. He's not a big drinker. I had wine.

Anyway they had craps, texas holdem', poker, and blackjack. I learned how to play craps and loved it. J and I put $500 in his pocket and played with the other $500. We played all night and only went through the first $500. My boss kept coming around with more drink tickets and the big man on campus kept coming around with $500 dollar bills. At the end of the night we had a total of $1600 and some change. They gave raffle tickets for every $100 you had left and then we put the tickets in for prizes.

J and I didn't win anything and we didn't dance (I don't dance) but we had a great time. I actually had a blast. I don't gamble normally because even though I save up and have a specific amount to spend when I am in Vegas or whatever, it kills me to spend it cause I know I am not going to win, and it is money that could go twards something that needs to be paid like my phone bill or my car payment. So it was nice for once to just play and not have to worry about the bills I could be paying or debts I could be repaying.

I was sent a picture that the photo guy took of J and I while at the party and I think it turned out cute. There's a yellow balloon string in the middle of it, but who cares. It adds character. I would post it, but J's paranoid and doesn't want his pic on the internet. So if you want to see it you will have to somehow get your e-mail address to me and I'll be happy to send it. :-)

I uploaded it at Walmart.com and had them make prints. They're sending it in the mail. All for $1.30. Nice huh? Who would have thought it would be that easy and cheap. And I don't even have to pick them up. They'll come to me in the mail by the 13th.

We went back to his place and I went to sleep holding his arm while he was online playing his WOW game. It was a good night.

Saturday, I woke up at like 7 or 8 am and got all domestic all over his house (did his laundry and cleaned his room up). I made coffee and ran to the store for cream, eggs, and something else (can't remember but it was important) and then came home :-) to him starting breakfast. We had eggs, pancakes and beef bacon (did anyone know there was such a thing???) and of course coffee with creme brule creamer.

Then at like 11:30am I went home. There was a tupperware party and I was going. It was at a beautiful home at the top of the hill (now being threatened by fire) and the sales lady was a man. Yes, she was a man. It was a drag show/tupperware party and I don't think I have ever had so much fun at a sales party in my entire life. I won a mini tupperware keychain thingie and my mom and I bought some tuperware and signed up for a party of our own. If any of you out there need tupperware let me know. You can go online, see what you want, e-mail you're order or bring me your order (for those of you that are near) and pay the standard fee of 10% shipping plus $4 to have it shipped to you anywhere in the US.

I went back to J's and we just had a nice Del Taco dinner and watched movies.

Sunday morning I went to church and did my thing and stopped by McDonalds and surprised J with lunch. We then headed to my dad's house to watch the big game on my dad's new 60" big screen. It was a nice party. There were people from church, family, friends, my babe and me. There was food, chips and 7 layer dip, food, snacks, more food, a keg, and a few bottles of wine adn plenty of food (oh, hmmm... did I already mention that? there was so much I just didn't want to leave it out). Oh yeah and there was 3 cheesecakes and a dish of brownies. It was a good time.

Tonight is American Idol. I can't wait. I am so much into who wins or who's a good singer as much as I am into the idea that J and I have an "us" thing. We get together, snuggle, and watch in horror while people make fools of themselves on tv. It's 2 nights a week (outside of the weekend where I basically live at his house) where we have set aside time for "us". I love it.
:-) It's great.

Have a good day all. :-)

Not Today

Can't blog today...sorry. See you all tomorrow.

:-) Details on company parties and superbowl parties then... now off to make sure my house does not burn down.

Prayers and Comments

Thank you all for both. Last night, during the break in class I got word that Aunt FLOW had just arrived... I was so relieved she was OK and just happy to have her here. (Now I can save that $13 bucks for something else) And as it always goes, I now wish she would go away...I've had enough of her already.

Thanks Beeeecky for the age update.... It takes me until about August before how old I am catches up with me and then in November it changes again. I only ever have like 3 months where I know really how old I am.

Last night I called him on the way home from school and he asked me to come by for a bit, OK. So I go. When I get there he's playing W.O.W... Anyone who knows what that is knows that it could be sometime mid Saturday before I could steal his attention.. So I make myself comfy (jammies) and about 10-20 minutes later I have his warm self holding me. He rolls over and says..."why don't you stay the night? Can you?" Now, I know this is boring by now and I sleep over all the time, but to me this is huge...especially after all that's been going on lately. I am happy to be back at boring and normal. In a relationship, comfortable and boring is my favorite way to be. Like my favorite jeans :-)

So tonight's the big shin-dig... I am so excited I could pee my pants. I won't, but I could. I worked for a company that had a company picnic, but it was something held on-site during work hours and it was dumb. This is the first time I've ever worked somewhere that they have an actual party hosted somewhere nice. Even my moms company only has a picnic that's potluck style at a local park. Tonight there's going to be me, my babe, and a bunch of work buddies. (He gets to meet the peanut gallery...his name for you all not mine:-) There will be a catered mexican bar where you can make you own tostada or tacos or something, a pasta bar, a salad bar, fruit, and cheese and for a real kick in the *ss there will be a chocolate fountain where you can ruin your diet all night. We will each get an envalope with $500 (play money) where we can gamble it away for tickets all night or we can buy raffle tickets with it and just throw them into a pot of our choice for prizes. There are all sorts of prizes and at the end of the night (for those who gambled and didn't just put their tickets in the pot) you'll then put your winning tickets in the pot of your choice and then they'll do the raffle.

It sounds like so much fun I can't wait. My prom was like this, except Minga and I were way too dressed up to enjoy it. Plus, then gambling was a foreign concept and so we just blew our tickets on things we didn't know how to play. This time I have my babe, gambler extraordinaire, to help me kick *ss. Also it'll help the next time I am in vegas with him. If I decide to gamble with him I'll at least know what the hell I am doing. ( I'm not big on gambling though, I'd rather watch.)

Anyway, I am out of here to the land of Neopia to speed up my day. Hope you all have a great weekend and thanks again for all the prayers and comments. :-)

FUNNY JOKES FROM DEE DEE

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Good Morning all

Well, no "Aunt FLOW" yet. Still waiting. Whatever this turns out to be, a whole life changing event or a horrible false alarm, I have learned something about J. He's a big scared baby.

From the first time I had a thought that I might be... You know, I thought to myself "Don't say anything at all and if it turns out that this is a HUGE deal then hide until he finds you and asks you what's wrong...Then tell him".

Yesterday after work at 1:30pm I went home, ate like a f*ing cow and then crawled into bed and crashed. I slept like a log. At about 4ish my mom came in, looked at me, said "I love you" and then left. At about 5:15 or so my phone rang. It was J getting off of work. After all of the "Hi's" and "Whatcha doin's" he says "Can you come by tonight. Idol is on and I want to see you." I think Ok a night in front of the TV, Ok I'm down for that. I said "I am going to get up, take a shower and then I'll be right there. So I went back to sleep. I woke up around 6:30 or so and then got into the shower. I finally got to his house at like 7:30 or so. Just as I am pulling into the driveway my phone is ringing (Hello MOTO- his ring). "Was I supposed to call you back, did I do something?" I said no I am here. He sighed and then gave a pathetic "OK".

When I got inside we went into his room. We sat on the bed, he turned off the TV, looks me in the eye and says "I'm sorry"

I melted and started to cry. I asked "Do you even know what you're sorry for or is this a blanket 'sorry' for whatever might be bothering me?"

Then he goes into how what he said about the whole "FIGI" trip was wrong and he doesn't think he's going to be able to afford to even go himself because he's trying to buy another house and refinance this one he has now to do it and he just said he was going to go by himself to be a dick. And he also said he's been insensitive to my feelings and picked fights with me when I tell him how I feel because in the heat of the moment he doesn't realize I am just sharing feelings and he thinks that I am really just attacking his personality.

I cried some more.

He went on to talk about how he knows something's bothering me and he wants to know what it is cause he wants to help or fix it or whatever. So I broke. Told him about "aunt FLOW" and her "MIA" self and told him I don't know what to feel and that I am scared and he froze. He just stared at me for a long time. He pulled me close to him and held me while I cried and told me he was freaked out, and kept asking me questions that I obviously don't have the answers to. He just sat holding me like the whole world had been destroyed outside the house and he was obviously petrified.

While we were sitting there, he told me that he's going to work on not being a dick and try to be more "together" for me. He then went into this story about a re-occurring nightmare he has. Well, 2 of them. I guess he's had them since he was like 20 or so. One is one way and the other is the opposite way and he is freaked out by what it all means. I told him it sounded like his subconscious is probably telling him he can only have one way or the other way and he needs to make a choice, and once he made a choice his dreams would probably go away. He said I was probably right and that he's thought about that theory himself. Then he started telling me he was scared he's going to have a heart attack and die and that he needs to diet and lose weight. He just went on and on for like an hour about everything in the world that scared him and I felt suddenly closer to him. I felt like he let me into a place that guys won't let a woman into unless they're very special to them. I saw that glimmer of hope I have been praying for. I think this baby, even if it's not a baby at all, is good for us. The drama of it all has brought us together again. His reaction to this and his "I'm sorry" that started the ball rolling, has really made me think this might all turn out OK.


As for the Bundles of Joy, I guess potato baby is going to be named spud. It seems to be the popular choice. Acorn baby still I am not sure about, I like Cornelius but I still have to think on it. And the cute ass monkey you see there, that's my neopet. Her name is AllakinaDanielle. (That's what I am naming the first female child that come crawling out of me provided her daddy's OK with that) She's a heck of a lot of fun and just as time consuming as my blog...I love that I have all of these things to keep me busy during the day. I linked to a link that linked me to a link and ended up at the neopet sign-up page to adopt a pet... so I did and pow, just like that my day at work was over and I actually said "damn... I have to go home..." everyone around was like "never heard that before..." now they all have neopets too. :-) Want one of your own? Just click on little Allakina there and the neopolis world can be your playground too :-)

My Bundles of Joy

My babies hatched today, but they're not exactly what I expected. A potato and an acorn... Hmmm... Now I guess I can name them. Hmmm... What to name my nut and root. I can't think of anything cute and catchy right now. I was sort of expecting something cute or something gothic... I got something one would assume comes from hugging trees... No, I don't hug trees...

I am not in the greatest of moods... Again...

So I am going to throw a hypothetical situation out there and I would like for you all to pretend that in this situation you are "Jill" and then give me some feed back as to how you would feel or what you would think. And guys out there how about letting me know in a situation what the F*ck is "BOB's" deal. Let me know if you think I am... I mean "Jill" is crazy for being upset.(Names and actual locations have been changed to make the situation seem more like a hypothetical and to "protect the....ummm... stupid")

So "Bob" says to "Jill" sometime in mid-November, "If I asked you to go to "Figi" with me would you go?"

"Jill" : "I am not financially equipped to be taking rediculous vacations to places like Figi, so No I could not go"

"Bob" : "Jill, I didn't ask you if you could afford to go, I want you to go and I'm planning to pay your way, I want you to go with me. Will you go?"

"Jill" : "I would love to go. When are you planning on going?"

"Bob": "mid April"

"Jill" : "Oh my, I am going to visit family in March for a week I wonder if I could get the time off for that too. I'll talk to my boss."

"Bob" : "You get the time off and I'll do the rest."

She gets the time off from work all she has to do is let her supervisor know what week in April she wants off and it's hers. So picture it is now Febuary 1st...(hard to do I know, but still try)

"Bob" : "Oh you're going to visit family soon in that other state huh?"

"Jill" : "Yeah I can't wait... Time is flying and It's almost here, what are you going to do for a week here without me? And, by the way, how are the plans for "Figi" coming along?"

"Bob" : "Not sure how they're coming I am waiting to hear from everyone else who is going, what are you going to do for a week while I am there?"

WAIT....STOP THE F*ING RECORD!!!

"Jill" : "WHAT? I thought I was going?"

"Bob" : "Well I don't think I can afford for both of us to go."

"Jill" : "So you're going to go without me?"

"Bob" : "It's my vacation and I will go with or without you if I like, and besides you're going to (other state) without me. What am I supposed to do, stay home? What's the big deal?"

"Jill" : "Why did you even ask me to go in the first place if you had any idea you might not be able to make it happen? And I am going to (other state) with family and had planned to do so long before I even met you. AND I never asked you to go let alone told you I would finance the trip. AND the big deal is that my "man" is planning on going on a vacation to paradise without me, along with all of his buddies, to hang out in bars and drink and flirt with any woman who happens to walk by, after asking me to go along and then flaking out."

So what does one do in a situation like this? It's like every day "Jill" allows to go by "Bob" shows more and more true colors and the more "Jill" points it out to him the more and more of a D*ck "Bob" becomes. Looks a lot to me like I need...I mean "Jill" needs to find a new hobby.

Called Roger yesterday, He didn't answer and after his voicemail got done blabbing about how to press whatever to page the guy or just wait for the tone, bla bla bla... I never heard a beep so I sat waiting until I realized it was probably just recording already and I hung up. He has yet to call again. He will.

I got the last of my W-2 or whatever's the night before last and so I thought I would pull out the trusty 1040EZ and figure out what kind of IRS tax lottery winnings I would be receiving this year. To my complete horror I am f*ing screwed. I owe something like $638 to Federal and the good old state of California wants another $200 and some dollars of my hard earned cash too. I know where my extra paycheck in March is going to. I had some serious plans for that money and it had nothing to do with giving it to the government!!! Needless to say I am pissed.

I need to get more sleep. I figured out last night that I am sleeping only like 4-5 hours a night. That was fine when I first met J and he was worth the sleepless nights, but now that I am constantly feeling like I am not worth the effort it takes to make a relationship last, why kill myself? Last night after class I went by his place for an hour and had to go home. Couldn't even want to stay the night. I know things are bad because just looking at him pisses me off...

Oh yeah speaking of my mood and how I have mental images of his head exploding when I look at him... Or when he reaches out to touch me I just want to pull away and scream.... I have been having some serious issues about that lately. I think "maybe it's PMS." That's logical... But then why are my tits a whole cup size bigger and swollen right now? (after I just bought 4 new Vicky S bras that now don't fit 2 weeks or so after I cought them) Why do the hurt like someone ran them over with a truck? Why do my feet swell up like the skin could not stretch any more. Why do I feel as though I look like a fat cow who must have doubled the 10 pounds I put on since I met J only to step on the scale and find out that the 10 pound I put on has gone down to only like 7 or 8 pounds since I met him. I am not sure what that means. Could be nothing, but I am still making an appointment at the Student Health Center to pee in a cup.

Dare ya'

There was a dare screaming at me so I went for it and now you all get to witness it.

WARNING: To those of you who do not wish to know about me and my sexual escapades stop reading this post right now....OK youhave been warned. I don't want yall coming over to my desk telling me about how you got tricked into reading smut... Got it Michelle!!??? :-)

The Rules:
Copy this entire list into your blog.
Colour everything about you that is true. IN RED
Leave plain anything that is false about you. IN BLACK

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold. Not yet but am looking forward to it :-)
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body. only it was an accident :-)
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish. ewwww....
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
I've seen nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
I have watched more than one lesbian porn video.
I prefer lesbian or girl/girl porn.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on. Sex in any way turns me on.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment. Not this place of employment but workplaces in the past.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.


Not so much black now is there...wow...who knew. :-)


Now for todays post... If you've made it this far :-)

Last night wasn't 1/2 bad. I didn't see J but he did call me. He did his thing and I did school. I like this Monday night class I have from 7-10. It's a late one but of all the classes I have taken so far twards my major, this one is the one I have learned the most in and the semester just started.

Also, when I got out of class J actually called me and told me he missed me and that he can't wait to see me tonight. He used to do this, he used to make me feel very special but lately he's dropped the ball... glad to see the ball back firmly in his hands. We'll see how it goes. Hope for us working out is still lost, but hopefully it means enough for him that he'll find it. Otherwise he's missing out. I am a great catch and he's going to be sorry he lost me!!!

Babies are hatching tomorrow.... Keep a look out...